As much as I enjoy individual elements of life – good food, Star Trek, chocolate, music, live comedy, etc – I am, much of the time, only a door frame or accidentally-stepping-on-a-sharp-object away from hating life, and feeling outrage and betrayal at a God who would create a world in which nothing seems to work as it should, and innocuous little mistakes can result in physical pain.
Even very minor inconveniences – a drawer jamming when I want to open it, or a shirt sliding off a hanger, or the tangling of earphones – can make me feel angry and impatient, and disappointed at physical reality. Facing 3D reality can feel like a succession of slights, of personal affronts at my desire and right to go about my life without hindrance, or disturbance, or pain. It’s enough to make me realise that I don’t fully like being here, don’t fully want to be here.
I bet we don’t have to deal with those sorts of problems in the astral realms and spiritual planes, right?
Thankfully I’m now at a stage in my journey where, although I do still have these instinctive emotional reactions, I can give myself a ‘healing response'; I can parent my inner child, and if it’s appropriate, I can do some simple self-healing techniques or apply a remedy.
But even more importantly, I make an internal choice not to collude with my own limiting beliefs by thinking “Yes, life is cruel” when something unfortunate happens (it can be true at times, but isn’t objectively true when it’s a general filter through experiencing life, such as happens with a limiting belief). I don’t necessarily believe in stamping out ‘negative’ self-talk (it can be important, but not at the expense of authentic expression), but I do believe in making empowering choices for yourself. So instead, I choose to view such thoughts and feelings as expressions of a wounded and probably very young part of myself that has had its trust betrayed, and hasn’t had enough experience of the ‘goodness’ and ‘safety’ of the world.
When I do that, I can feel compassion for myself, in a few ways:
- straight forward compassion for my injury, or fright, or frustration (unconditional compassion, no matter how ‘minor’ or ‘silly’ the complaint may seem)
- compassion for my reaction that may seem out of proportion (knowing that it comes from a place of woundedness)
- compassion for the part of me that has that wound, that experiences rejection by life and the world. The upset and lonely inner child
And that’s the foundation of a ‘healing response’ to give yourself when you notice you’re in emotional reaction to a perceived injustice, cruelty or hindrance relating to physical life and the 3D world. It’s the first and most important step, of lovingly holding your wounded parts and welcoming them into conscious awareness where they can gently and slowly heal (rather than remaining a split off fragment of only semi-conscious feeling and energy). This is the most important step because no matter how you might go about your healing journey, you can’t heal the parts of yourself that you disown, that are split off. A very large part of healing means welcoming back, making whole. This is one way of helping make yourself whole, of integrating that aspect of your very young inner child.
… This would also be a great time to take a remedy such as arnica (a homeopathic remedy fabulous for shock and trauma and injury), lavender essential oil (good for soothing and releasing stress), and/or rescue remedy (a bouquet of flower essences that help calm you from trauma and anxiety). Likewise, giving hands-on-healing to where you’ve injured yourself is fantastic for restoring balance; and placing your hands over your heart and gut, and simply breathing, is an easy way to restore calm and centre yourself, and to allow the aroused emotions to be gently soothed.
Sitting with your hands on your knees (even for only a minute), deeply breathing, is another simple way of helping your system to restore itself (but with this, the emphasis is more on re-establishing an energetic connection with the earth’s support).
Doing all of this serves two purposes – it puts a plaster and a kiss on the emotional boo-boo, so it brings to a halt the process of accumulating of existential fear and pain that many of us are in – because without some kind of awakening or therapeutic intervention, we do tend to unconsciously attract experiences that prove our beliefs about life. So if we learnt at a young age that “Life is not safe”, then we attract experiences that affirm that. So by doing this, we’re stopping adding evidence to that particular belief. Secondly, it begins the process of healing the deeper pain and wound that this minor mishap has tapped into. When we do this, we’re not only kissing the current bump better, we’re also shedding a little bit of light into the corner of our being where all of the “Life is unsafe!! Life is bad!!” experiences and memories are kept, all the unhealed ones that are stored up.
… This practice, it becomes a positive spiral – doing this helps you feel safer, which means you will be more in your body, which means you will have fewer accidents (many of these little mishaps happen because we’re not fully in the present and not in our bodies, of course!), which will mean the world will seem safer, which will mean you will feel safer, so you’ll come even more deeply into your body, etc…
So in my case, what comes up for me is a sense of injustice at the harshness of the cruel reality of life, when things go bad (which usually means little injuries). What comes into YOUR awareness when something like this happens? I get “life is cruel”, that’s one of my images. Are you aware of any of yours? What happens if you catch yourself in the midst of something like this happening? What do you then feel and what do you then think? These instinctive reactions are important, and not to be dismissed (even if we know rationally that they aren’t objective truth).
This process is about gently rewiring your system in a sustainable way. No single time you do this (take a moment with yourself, consciously grant yourself compassion, and maybe lay hands on yourself or give yourself a mini treatment or remedy) will be dramatic; but over time, the fear and pain lessens, and the background feeling that you’re living in a hostile world starts to fade. You don’t need to force yourself to manufacture ‘love’ for life – just give love and care and healing to the parts of you that are scared of life and feel betrayed and rejected by life, and then automatically, you will find and feel your innate love for life, the joy of having a physical body, of being a human being alive on this planet. It’s a slow process, but I believe it’s very much worth the time. For my own self, and my own experience, it’s been a fundamental way I’ve shifted and transformed my experience of life and the world as hostile, to a life and world that’s full of pleasure, opportunity and infinite experience.
It can take some time to notice a substantial difference in your life experience, because before the cycle can become one of positive self-reinforcement, the limiting programs and emotional cycles have to come to a stop. But as I say, I believe it’s very worthwhile to bring your love and awareness to your version of these cycles, as the rewards and fruits are bloomin’ marvellous
I hope this is useful! Please feel free to read my other articles, to get in touch, and to get yourself a free MP3 of shamanic drumming for grounding by joining my grounding newsletter. And if you can think of anyone who would enjoy this article (maybe a fellow space cadet!) It’d mean so much to me if you shared it with them. With blessings, Justin
ps – I’m giving some grounding drum baths and events in London, click the picture below for more details